Believe in Yourself!

Believing in myself was one of the most important things I have done since getting out of my shit relationship. My abuser would constantly say things to make me believe I couldn’t succeed without him. He never flat out said, “Your business will never give you enough money to live the life you want,” but he would say shit in manipulative, condescending ways to make me believe I couldn’t do it without him. That’s called abuse! He told me before that he makes enough money for me to be a stay at home mom and that I could sell my business. I’m glad I didn’t listen to him though as that was a manipulation tactic to have control over me. If I sold my business then he would have been the sole provider and he would have been able to hold that over my head. Dodged a bullet there! It was always like I was never doing enough to get ahead in his eyes. It was a constant feeling of always having to do more. He didn’t just make me not believe in the success of my business, but just succeeding at life in general. After I started believing in myself I realized that everything he told me was all bullshit. Let’s be honest, he couldn’t even financially take care of himself why would he be able to take care of me? I don’t need anybody to take care of me. I have owned a successful business for almost 5 years now and I have no debt, besides my car and trailer loans. I have confidence and I believe in myself! I just had to take a few steps back and realize that I was being told lies. People tell you that you can’t do things or you have to look a certain way because that’s what they believe about themselves. It's called PROJECTION! Plus, no one has the same views on society, so believe in what's best for you! I always believed I was a shitty writer because of my dyslexia. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m no English teacher and I don’t really give a shit about grammar, but I’ve written this blog and people understand it. I believe I’m a decent writer now! If I wouldn’t have believed in myself I would have never posted this!

For a long time I didn't believe that I could graduate from college because of my learning disability. I ended up being the first person in my entire family to graduate with a 4 year degree and that's not all. My first semester of college I got a 4.0 and made the deans list. I pushed hard and believed that I could do it and I did! I used to believe that my business was going to fail because my college professor told me it was a bad idea to buy a restaurant. I started believing in myself though and now I’m going on my 5th season and I’m still expanding! I believed I was going to get manly looking because I’m a powerlifter and that’s what people would tell me. I don’t believe I look anything like a man though and I’ve been heavy lifting for 2 years. A Mann, yes, but not a man! I believed in myself and now I can almost deadlift 300#! If you believe you can’t do something you won’t do it! If you believe you have to look a certain way, you’ll look that certain way. If you believe in yourself though, you will succeed! If you believe you can’t be a single mom, so you stay in your shit relationship....think again! If you think you won’t be able to start your own business because you can’t build up the clientele or get the money....think again! If you think you can’t go to dinner by yourself because your scared....think again! If you think your mental health issues or weight define you....think again! Do whatever you want and just believe in yourself! If you want to write a book, write a book. If you want to move to a different country, move to a different country. If you want to run a marathon, run a fuckin marathon. Do what’s best for you and believe in yourself! People are going to judge you no matter what. People have already judged me because of this blog, but who really gives a shit! No one is perfect. We easily believe what people think of us or our decisions, and because of that we end up not doing what we really want to do in life. Don’t let people talk you out of your dreams or try and convince you that you need to be something or someone you’re not! After you’ve been through a trauma, you will NEVER be the same person you once were! You don’t have to go down the shitty path though! I’ve done that before and this time I’m not. After any trauma it is your chance to become who you were truly meant to be. Believe in yourself and everything will happen just the way it’s supposed to!

I also wanted to comment on one more thing! A friend brought it to my attention yesterday that there is this guy who is in a really shitty marriage and he feels “stuck.” She said people thinks he’s just an idiot because if the relationship was that bad he would leave. That’s 100% bullshit! It’s called trauma bonding, look it up! It is completely fucking real! My relationship was horrible as I’m sure you can see, but I felt stuck. The feeling is weird, It’s like you’re living in a cloud, but your feet are glued to the ground. Abusers manipulate their victims to believe things that aren’t true. They stalk. They harass. They threaten. They ABUSE! It’s the abuse cycle which is how abusers keep their victims so long and keep them quiet. It’s like someone that has been kidnapped. Their abusers manipulative them so bad that they are afraid to leave or don’t think they can! A kidnapper is ABUSIVE just like and a partner can be ABUSIVE! My abuse cycle happened about every two weeks. It was great for 2 days, then tension would build up for about 5-7 days, then my abuser would have a full blown rage for about 4-5 days and then it would restart. You become addicted to it. It is just like an addiction to alcohol or heroin, so try and be understanding! An abuse victims Brain is not like the “normal” brain. Our brains have literally psychically changed. So yes, it’s true! Someone can be in a horrible situation and want to get out, but feel stuck! For the people that feel stuck I would recommend reading and educating yourself on abusive relationships to try and get out! Believe in yourself and you can do it!