Timeline 12- Counseling

I tried leaving and he once again made me feel guilty to stay. After ruining my birthday he decided to tell me that when he was in his 20’s his mom had taken him to the doctors and he was diagnoses with bi polar. I asked why he never told me that. It is something kind of important and if that is the cause you should probably be on some sort of medicine. Also, his issues are more than just bi polar. My cousin is bi polar and she can show empathy and isn’t abusive. He told me he used to be on medicine, but he was still drinking and doing the drugs at the time, so they made him sick and he stopped taking them. He wanted me to stay with him, so he told me that he would go back on medication and we could go to counseling. I agreed. I went to the doctors with him and sat there while the doctor explained everything. He had to get his blood taken and I asked if he was ok with it since he was a recovering addict. He said he doesn’t like it, but he’s fine. We talked about the medication together and he waited to take it. We tried setting up a meeting with a psycho therapist to get a little bit more information on the medication. He didn’t have insurance and he didn’t want to go through all the steps to be able to go, so he just decided to start taking the medicine on his own. We also started going to couples counseling together once a week. Things seemed to get better for a little bit, but I wasn’t able to say everything I needed to at the counselor in front of Dick.

We started counseling after my 2018 birthday, so I think it was June. Our first session was in a room downstairs. We both sat on different couches arguing. Things were still going in cycles. We would be ok and then something would set him off causing a huge fight. The counselor noticed he had some anger issues, but Dick didn’t want to work on them. He said his anger is what drives him and that’s the reason he has gotten as far as he has. The counselor noticed that I showed strong body language. He said I roll my eyes a lot, which is true. If I’m pissed I will purse my lips, roll my eyes, and shake my head. Things we both needed to work on. A lot of our sessions were about my trust issues, overcoming the horrible things Dick called me, and the past traumas Dick went through as to why he acted the way he did. In one session Dick told our counselor that he’s been unhappy for a long time, way before me and he doesn’t know how to fix it. He said, “I tried moving away to California. Then I got addicted to meth and my brother made me come home and get clean. While I was here I got my ex-wife pregnant and now I’m stuck here.” I replied, “Well, Dick you really have no choice you have a child here that needs you.” His response was, “So what, I’m just supposed to stay here and be miserable?” I was shocked, I was absolutely disgusted! He acted like his son was just an object holding him back from success. At that point I knew for sure I never wanted children with this man, but we kept going to counseling.

For my 2018 birthday Dick bought us a trip to Colorado. He was trying to make up for the past bullshit he put me through. He knew I really wanted to go whitewater rafting, so he booked us a trip for July to do a bunch of excursions. It was the best vacation we ever had. We drove to Aspen, went rafting, went zip lining, drove to Breckenridge, and did a bunch of outside activities. It was great because we didn’t have cell phone service, so we actually had to spend time together. Even without his phone all he could think of was work and money, so it was really like I wasn’t there unless we were doing something anyways. We slept in separate beds which I thought was a little odd, but for the most part I thought things were getting better. When we were in Colorado Dick got a phone call that my new Lefty’s trailer was almost finished. He had been doing the negotiating, so the dealership contacted him a lot. We had decided when we got back from Colorado we were going to drive to Tennessee to pick up my new trailer.