Timeline 5-Ex-Girlfriend Issues

When I had first started dating Dick, I specifically remember him sitting on the leg press machine at the gym telling me that his ex-girlfriend was still in love with him, like obsessed. It definitely made me feel insecure because she was a model. That was his intention though, he purposely would say things to make me second guess everything about my own self-worth. He wanted me to believe that I needed to bend over backwards to be with him or he’d just take his ex-back. Towards the start of our relationship he told me he doesn’t normally date blondes. Ok, well that’s uncomfortable since I’m a blonde. I didn’t take these as manipulative jabs at the time, I just thought it was him not realizing what he was saying, but it continued. He told me that his ex would text him quite often. It made me quite uncomfortable and I made sure to make that known, but he didn’t seem to care. I ended up starting conversations back up with my ex, too. I thought since my current boyfriend wanted to make me feel like I was nothing and a piece of shit than I was going to go back to talking to my ex who was my support system and got me through some of my hardest times. I know it probably wasn’t the right decision, but I needed someone to lean on. We were just friends as I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend and we just weren’t in love anymore. Our conversations were very broad, my current boyfriend knew of our friendship, and was able to read conversations at any time. Again, it was not my best decision. I didn’t like that he was talking to his ex, so I shouldn’t have done it back. I regret being friends with my ex at that time because I know that by him talking to his ex it was making me uncomfortable, so I’m sure it did that same to him. Two wrongs do not make a right which I should have realized sooner.

One day I was over at my Dick’s house. He told me that his ex-texted him today to ask him a stupid question about her tires. I didn’t understand why she would text him since she lived on the opposite side of the country. It was annoying and I know I got mad, but I got over it. Over Christmas his ex-came back from California and came to the gym. It was very uncomfortable for me because Dick had continued to tell me things about her still being in love with him. I got mad because I didn’t want to be at the same gym she was at. I unfortunately did not like her based off of what Dick was telling me about her, which I will explain more later on.

Friends!

Dick and I went to Chili’s for lunch and he started talking about the one time his ex “called” him about her tires. I instantly said, “What? I thought she just texted you asking you a quick question,” He responded, “yea, that’s what I meant.” At this point I had caught him in a lie. I said, “What is it? Did she call you to talk or did she text you.” He said, “She called it’s not that big of a deal, what is the difference.” I was furious! I told him I was done and that I didn’t need to be in the middle of this situation, but he made me feel guilty. He said that it was ok for my ex Larry, that was in love with me to text me, so why isn’t it ok for him. He also that I shouldn’t be friends with my other ex-Arthur!

I told myself if Dick thinks its ok to talk to his ex’s that’s in love with him than I can talk to my ex who’s been my go to and support for years. I went months without taking to him when I started my relationship with Dick, but like I said, I broke. After having his pretend I wasn’t his girlfriend for months, I had enough. Dick always wanted to hide me on social media and pretend I wasn’t his girlfriend. It was annoying and gave me trust issues. After the Chili’s incident I continued to tell Dick that I didn’t want to do this anymore. I stayed away from him for a few days, but we ended up talking at the Starbucks in Lake Geneva and trying to figure things out. It was the most civil conversation we had ever had. There was no screaming or anything.

I’m a very loving person, I love my ex’s, but I’m not in love with them. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my animals, and I love my customers from work. That’s just the type of person I am and Dick knew this about me. He told me that he didn’t know if he had that feeling towards his ex. He didn’t know if he still loved her because she left him when he cheated on her and went to rehab. It was an odd situation to me though because Dick was not a loving person whatsoever! There was no affection towards others and he didn’t know how to show compassion, not even towards his own child. At this point we had been dating for about 8 months. He told me that a part in recovery was making amends with people in the past that you have hurt. I said then maybe you need to go meet with her and discuss the issues and the things that you did to her in the past and he agreed with me. He basically told me that he ended up calling her on the phone and discussing his feelings towards her and all she did was scream. He never wanted to talk to her again. It was weird because up until this point he had always tried to make me believe she was in love with him. To me it more so seemed like she was mad that he had moved on and was dating someone new. At least by the ways my abuser explained it. It was just a cluster fuck of emotions!

My abuser told me he ended all communication with her. He had her number blocked and all social media platforms blocked. He supposedly wanted nothing to do with her. At one point I didn’t believe what he was saying, so I told him I was going to contact her myself and ask what was going on. He told me she was a “dumb fucking cunt” and that she’s “psycho” all she’s going to do is cause problems, so I ended up not contacting her. I’m sure his new girlfriend has heard the same things about me! I wish I would have contacted her though, but I did what I thought was best at that time. I will explain more of that later on though. With that being said, I believe Dick and I moved past it and we were working on the trust issues.