Family

Some people are so vain that they believe that what I write is about them. I have never mentioned any real names in my blog besides my big brothers and my own. If you believe you’re “Dick” and the shoe fits, then so be it! Most of the people that are mentioned in my blog read it before it was published to the public. Also, supposed "Dick" wants to say that I'm lying and only telling twisted 1/2 truth stories. He wishes that was the case, but i's not and he knows it. I have absolutely no problem telling the truth even if its embarrassing or hurtful because it's what I lived through. I have NEVER been one to lie and actually cannot stand when people do lie. It's my biggest pet peeve along with rude people that cannot say thank you when you hold the door open for them. It's funny though because I hate liars, yet I dated the biggest liar in Walworth County. Honestly, I'm not a very good judge of character though. I have always known that, but after taking my personality test it has really stuck out to me. I have always believed everyone is a good person until lately. It wasn't until I got out of this shit relationship that I realized not everyone is good and I definitely have to be more aware of that now! I will state this 100 trillion times, I am not writing this to get revenge or to ruin my abusers life. He will do that on his own. I write this as part of my own therapy, a way to help others, and because I work alongside other abuse victims who are too afraid to speak up! So yes, I help to speak for those who are scared! I also want to state that I DO NOT hate my abusers family. Actually, I love them all very much. My abusers dad was always very welcoming and supportive of me. My abusers brother was always super nice to me and we could make jokes together. My abusers sister-in-law was always my rock in that family and was very supportive of my decisions. My abusers grandma was the sweetest lady ever and always made dinner for my abuser and I when we went to her house. My abusers Aunt was always sweet and welcoming when she came to visit. My abusers cousin was and still is one of my favorite people ever. She is the sweetest person alive and is such a free spirit. Most importantly my abusers son and all of his niece and nephews will FOREVER have a special spot in my heart. I love them and will forever love them for the rest of my life. I would do absolutely anything for any one of those children. My abuser says that I am “attacking” his family or some shit like that, but that’s not true at all! I love those people and will forever love them even if they don’t love me. They were family to me for 2.5 years. I know my abuser tries to convince them that I am horrible and that they should hate me, but that’s ok because they don’t have to like me! For obvious reason I no longer communicate them, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still love and care for them. There are still days when I miss all the kids coming to my work and running in to give me hugs and kisses, well only the two little ones would give kisses. There are days when I miss going to lunch and walking my abuser niece back to her classroom while she holds my hand asking me not to leave. There are days when I miss packing all the kids in the car and taking them to go do fun things like swimming and the trampoline parks. There are days when I miss taking them all home and they all give me hugs saying “I love you auntie awesome” (something they made up in the car one day). The day that I read a card from my abusers son that said, “I love you to the moon and back” I got chills and almost started crying because I do miss him and none of this is any of their faults. I love all of them them and I will always have those memories, so I would never in my life hurt them. My abusers family knows who he is, but they cannot change him. He can only change on his own. Obviously, they are his family and they love him dearly just as I did at one time. I just want it known that I would never in my life “attack” them as they have always cared for me like I cared for them. They have also NEVER hurt me and I don’t think they would as they are not those types of people. I will be very honest though, I DO NOT like my abusers mother at all! I think she is just as toxic and dangerous as my abuser. I have NEVER once heard anything good about her from my abuser. I believe that is where a lot of his abusive behaviors come from. He would even tell me that he acts the way he does because of her. It’s a sick cycle. I don’t like how she talks in front of children and I don’t like how she treats her own children, nor do I have to like those things. Dick told her and I on multiple occasions that she could not live with him because she’s not good for his mental health and she did not respect that, hence the reason he would always stay with me when she was staying at his house. I don’t agree with that and I don’t agree with many other things that she did. I will NEVER respect a parent that doesn’t put their child first, EVER! So no, I don’t like her. I don’t like abusive people, but hopefully she can change. I am willing to forgive people who change their behaviors and become better people, but remember narcissists physically cannot change! Anyways, I just wanted to put that out there! That was something important for me to share because I don’t ever want those people to feel as if I don’t care about them. I also know a lot of other abuse survivor's also feel this way about their abusers family. If anyone ever has questions or wants to talk about narcissistic, psychopathic, sociopathic, or any other abuse in general I’m always open to talk. It helps with my recovery to be able to connect with people who have been through similar situations just as I know it helps others! You can message me on Facebook or email me! My email is at the bottom of the page.

Some of my family and friends