Forms of Abuse 45- Physical

The next form of abuse was physical. My ex never hit me. I am very thankful for that, but he did use other forms of physical abuse. He would do things like blocking me, restraining me, throwing objects, breaking objects, threatening physical violence, physical abuse in the home while alone or while his son was around, hitting or punching himself and the dog, and repeatedly doing it. He would also do some of these things in public. If he was screaming at me and didn’t want me to leave he would block me so that I couldn’t get away. Multiple times he blocked the door at Lefty’s so that I couldn’t get out of the trailer or he would stand in the doorway of my bedroom, so that I couldn’t get out of the room. If I was at his house and I wanted to leave he would have a huge fit. I remember him punching the door in his bedroom because he was so mad I was trying to leave. One time we were fighting and he came to Lefty’s to yell at me. I went to get into my car to leave because I didn’t want to be with him. He didn’t want me to leave, so he kicked a huge hole in his brand new leased car. I don’t know what he told the people that fixed it, but I know he didn’t take it to his dealership to get fixed because I’m sure he was embarrassed. Anytime we got in a fight he would tell me that he smashed the pictures of us that I got framed. It was very common for him to break things or punch things. Another time we were at the gym and he was mad at me about something, so he threw the dumbbells at the ground. I was so pissed because not only was he making us look like idiots, but he also almost hit my foot with a 100lb dumbbell. He did this multiple times at the gym. He also threated to physically harm my ex’s and to actually kill his ex-wife like I told you before.

The physical abuse not only happened in private and in public, but it also happened in front of his child. One time he, his child, and I were all in the car in the drive thru of Culvers. His child and I were both on our phones. All of the sudden, Dick started screaming, “What the fuck do you want me to do? I’m going to fuck him up.” I turned and looked at him and he had his arms in the air and he was ready to get out of the car. I said, “What are you talking about?” He said, “The man behind me is throwing his hands in the air telling me to move forward. I have no place to go.” I busted out laughing. He was so pissed, he literally wanted to get out of the car and beat the shit out of the guy. I said, “You’re really that mad about it?” His son and I couldn’t stop laughing because he looked so pathetic. Thankfully, we were able to pull up and the guy was able to leave without Dick trying to beat him up.

Although he never punched me, he would punch the dog and himself. I already shared the instances with the dog, but not with himself. He would punch himself in the side of the temples to the point that he would get goose eggs and his face would turn completely red. It wasn't just one punch. It was repeated punches and very hard. One time he called me to tell me he was going to the hospital because he punched himself so hard in the face that his eye was bleeding. I would always try to stop him from punching himself, but it was very hard (I just thought about that joke, stop punching yourself). I would end up balling because I hated seeing him hurt himself and it was scary. He told me that he would hear voices in his head and see red, that there was no stopping him at that point. I ended up telling him that I wasn’t going to be able to be with him anymore if he continued hurting himself. It got better for a while, but then it got bad again. I don’t know if he punched himself because he really wanted to punch me, but was holding himself back or because he was just that frustrated with himself. This happened roughly once a week for 2.5y ears. Some weeks he wouldn’t punch himself at all and some weeks he would punch himself multiple times a week. It was so scary.

Thankfully, he never punched his child. He told me that he would never spank his child because he was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to control himself and that he would beat the hell out of him. Thank God he didn’t spank him, but maybe if you realize something like this then you should get some serious help.

Although, I have endured many types of abuse, I know I can heal. I think it is very important for people to realize all the different types of abuse and be understanding of those who have been through it. Please, be compassionate for the children involved in abuse too. They do not choose this life. We cannot change abusive people’s behaviors, but we can only try and protect those that go through it.

Being abused was a blessing in disguise. I could have done without some things, but it opened my eyes to a lot of things. I can now work to fix myself, but also help others who are abused. There is no justice for abuse victims especially for those that are physiologically abused. Children won’t be taken away from their parents if they are not being physically beaten or neglected. As you can see, even though my ex never physically punched myself or his son this stuff was still very damaging to the both of us. Just imagine what it would be like to grow up in a household like that your entire life. It’s not fair especially for children who can do nothing about it, so I will stand up against it for those children. I was abused to open up who I was truly meant to be!