Timeline 2-Meeting My Abuser

In February 2016 I had started talking with my now abuser, Dick. I had heard of him before, but only bad things. He was previously married to my sister’s best friend’s sister. I had started talking to Dick because I had been seeing him a lot on social media. He had overcome alcoholism and addiction and I believed my ex Arthur had problems with alcohol, so I reached out to him. I was asking him what I could do to help Arthur and if he would possibly talk to him. He agreed, but Arthur never reached out to him, thank god! I had no emotional connection to Dick. I honestly thought he was old and egotistical. I thought he might be able to help with my ex Arthur though, so that’s all we would talk about.

In the middle of February I went on a vacation to Nashville with my ex Larry and his friend. On the drive home I had opened up my Facebook messenger and Larry saw Dick’s name. Larry started screaming at me assuming that I was now dating Dick and that I wanted to be with him. That was the furthest thing from the truth! I was actually trying to get advice on how to help my ex Arthur because I still loved him and I knew nothing about alcoholism. When I got home from Nashville I said enough was enough. Nothing had changed with Larry and I was still getting screamed at all the time, it just was not working for me anymore.

I had still talked to Dick a few times about what I should do, but very sporadic. In March I had saw Arthur and we were getting along. We were once again talking about getting back together, but he was going on a vacation to Florida with his ex-girlfriend and some friends. I said I would absolutely not be with him if he decided to go. He already had it planned, so I can’t blame him for going, but I decided I was done. While he was away on vacation I started moving on. I was going out with my friends again and having fun. I no longer wanted to be with Arthur and I didn’t have those feelings towards him anymore.

I think out of boredom I started talking to Dick a lot more. I remember going to my gym and telling Olivia that I thought I might like Dick. He was also a member at the gym and I started seeing him a lot more there. She instantly told me she doesn’t think that’s a good idea and maybe I should keep looking. When Arthur got back from Florida he heard that I liked Dick and he got mad at me saying that, “I reached out to this guy to help him and now I want to date him!” He wasn’t too happy. I remembering telling my friend Tina and she thought it was a horrible idea. She had heard in the past that he was abusive towards his ex’s. When I told my sister, I was very nervous. I remember walking on the treadmill next to her and my brother in law and when I told her, her response was, “WHAT, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I remember asking my sister’s best friend, Dick’s previous sister in law and she said, “I can’t tell you what to do, but just don’t ever say anything bad about my sister.” Dick was known for bad mouthing exes to his new girlfriends. I didn’t get a good response from anyone. Everyone knew that he wasn’t a decent human being, but I thought he had changed because he didn’t drink or do drugs anymore. I ignored everyone and wanted to give him a chance.

Dick and I started talking more and more. The first time I hang out with him I met him at the gym and went to Walmart in his car. I needed a new belly button ring. It was awkward, we were both shy. We didn’t have much to say. I remember talking to him about his sobriety and what he was doing for work, but that was mostly it. He took me back to the gym and I went home. We continued to hang out more and more. He took me to Sprecher’s in Lake Geneva and I remember the entire ride there he talked on the phone with some man from India that was helping him with work. I thought it was a little weird, but he told me it was very important and he had to talk to him at that time. We continued hanging out, but always just going to do things like going out to eat or going to Walmart.

This is my mom, brother, and I at Mother's Day brunch. This was right before I started dating my abuser.