What I Learned and Realized 49- Dyslexia

I have also learned a lot of things about myself. My life coach helped me to figure out that I get into abusive relationships because of my learning disability. When I was 7 years old I was diagnosed with Dyslexia. I was put in separate classrooms which always made me feel like I was stupid or different than the rest of the kids. When I was in 1st grade another little girl turned around in the recess line and poked me in both of my eyes. I have no idea why she did, as I never really talked in school, but I figured for some reason she didn’t like me. I hated school and it made me super uncomfortable. It made me so uncomfortable to the point that I wouldn’t sharpen my pencil or sneeze out loud during class because I didn’t want people took look at me, hence the reason I always use a dull pencil and I’m the of queen of quiet sneezing. I never valued myself for who I really was as I always felt like less than other people.

As a coping mechanism I used food, and I got really fat, which caused more problems for me. I was making stupid decisions as my 7 year old self, like dating abusive boyfriends. Due to my insecurities and feeling like I was less than others. I was making bad choices. I never had confidence until I got into high school and even then my confidence was really low. When I was in 8th grade I was tested out of my dyslexia program, so I didn’t have to go to separate classrooms anymore. It gave me a sense of relieve, but it also made school very, very difficult. When I was 15 I started dating Larry, and he made me feel even more insecure or like I was easily replaceable. That made my confidence even worse, which made me to continue to make stupid decisions. Again, he and I get along well now and he has apologized for the things he did out insecurities, so that’s not something I wish to talk in depth about. I do have to include parts of it though, so that it makes sense where some of my issues come from.

I again got into another abusive relationship with Dick because of my low confidence that came from my dyslexia. He one time was trying to explain a math problem to me that had to do with my business and it didn’t make any sense to me. He was getting frustrated and he said, “How do you not get it?” I remember sitting there thinking, “Holy shit, I’m really fucking stupid.” I now know that I am not stupid at all, but just remember someone should never make you feel that way! It has been very helpful in my healing process to know that a lot of my issues stem from my lack of confidence from my learning disability. I didn’t think that I deserved better because of my disability, so I gravitated towards people who abused me.

I think it’s very important for children to know that everyone is different. In my opinion building a child’s confidence is more important than geometry or reading Macbeth. I am better at some things than other people and other people are better at some things than I am. Getting into depth about my dyslexia with my coach also made me realize that if we have this type of mindset that maybe other children won’t go through the challenges and situations I have been through. It is something I would like to try and push more for in life in general, but also in schools.