What I Learned and Realized 52- Eating Disorder

By the time I went to high school I was a bitch. I don’t even know why, but I feel like it was because it was my only way to defend myself. I knew I was tough and if someone wanted to be mean to me I could easily tell them off. When I went into my sophomore year of high school I lost 30lbs. My brother and I did weight watchers and I did exercise videos with my cousin. I got excessive into working out as a coping mechanism. By the time I was 21, I started very strict dieting and by 22 I had a full blown eating disorder. My eating disorder lasted for 3 years where I would eat really clean and then binge eat on the weekends to the point that I would throw up every weekend. Yes, I threw up every weekend for almost 3 years! I remember rolling over in the night and saying to Arthur, “I don’t feel good” and then I’d get up and run to the bathroom puking. Arthur tried to help me fix my problem, but I didn’t even realize my eating disorder was as bad as it was until we broke up.

Right before I started dating Dick was when I was finally started overcoming my issue. I haven’t thrown up from binge eating in like 3-3.5 years. However, my life coach has brought it to my attention that she doesn’t feel my mind is healed from the disorder. I would always weigh my food, write my weight on a calendar every day, and be very demeaning towards the way my body looked. She says I am a narcissist towards myself. It’s confusing because I’m very loving, caring, and supportive towards other people, but towards myself I’m not always the nicest. She believes that I am giving off that vibe about myself that I’m attracting those types of people into my life. That was something very important for me to learn to be able to heal, which I will explain shortly.

This was in the middle part of my eating disorder.