What I Learned and Realized 56- Judgmental and Fixing Relationships

Since being abused it has really opened my eyes to a lot of things. Before this happened I could be a pretty judgmental person. Again, that’s not something I’m proud of, but I’m just being honest. It has made me realize that we all struggle. It’s not even that I realized I needed to be more understanding and supportive, but I just wanted to be.

For example, my cousin and I had been fighting since mid-summer. I hadn’t talked to her in months. On Thanksgiving, she was outside vaping by herself, so I went outside by her to apologize for not getting along and letting her know that she is my cousin and I really do love her. She had been upset with me because she didn’t think that I believed some of the stuff she had been through. I was told a couple of different stories, so I admit; I did have a hard time believing and understanding. She started crying saying, “It hurts my feelings that you don’t believe me.” That really opened my eyes. It doesn’t matter if I knew the exact story, although I do now. I knew she was struggling and I needed to be there to support her, so I have been.

Another one of my friends came out of a very abusive relationship. I have known her since I was I was like 11 years old because we did karate together. She ended up working for me, so I knew the abuse that was going on. As her employer I had to let other people know what was going on. She ended up coming to my work and yelling at me that I need to keep my mouth shut. She and I ended up not talking for a year and a half because I was pissed. A few weeks after I came out with my story on Facebook she also came out with her abuse story. I didn’t give a shit that she had screamed at me or that she had been mad at me in the past, I just knew I had to get ahold of her and support her in anyway possible. I messaged her off my mom’s Facebook letting her know that I was there for her if she wanted to talk because she knew that I was also abused. She instantly gave me her new phone number and I ended up calling her immediately. We talked for almost 2 hours. We explained everything to each other and she said, “I never hated you. My abuser told me that I had to go say something to you because he said you were telling his family he was abusive.” It was in the past, I didn’t judge her. Coming out of an abusive relationship myself I knew what it felt like to have ever single decisions manipulated or made for you.

Being abused really opened my eyes to supporting those that are hurting because we don’t know everything they have endured and probably never will. We have to understand them before forming an opinion or judging, because all that does is hurt them. A lot of people struggle, but keep it private. I kept my abuse to myself for a very long time and sometimes I still keep very private things to myself. It made me realize that everyone is on a journey that we know nothing about, so just be supportive!

My cousins and I.